I learned not long ago that if a juvenile says that they do not care when asked if they want to better their life, it is not that they really "do not care." The truth is that they have no hope.

Teenagers are irresponsible these days. They have no morals, they have no respect. They listen to horrible music. They are lazy . . . . .

Do these words sound familiar to you? Do you possibly think this way? May even about your own child. It's funny, I remember hearing the exact same thing when I was young. I think they were referring to me. I also remember my grandmother telling me back then that they used to say the same thing about my parents generation. It seems that these are words spoken throughout the ages.

My grandmother was a very wise lady. She used to say, "Young people are not bad. Some are misdirected." I believe it was from my grandmother that I learned patience and tolerance.

This is what I take with me on Tuesday evening. It will be my very first day entering Juvenile Hall. I go with high expectations. I enter those doors with hope. I have no idea what to expect. However, I know that great things will come forth through our working together. If their hearts are locked, I will find the key.

I go in with the purpose of giving these girls a yearning to want a new life, a positive life, a life filled with joy. Yes, I know. Many think that these girls are hoodlums, they have nothing good in them, they will just get out to go back to the very same thing and live within the system the rest of their lives. Well, for many, yes, primarily because this is the environment in which they were raised. They watched their aunts, their uncles, sisters, brothers, and even mothers, and fathers live this way from the time they could walk. Some of my Bus Kids live like this. These are children that I take to church on Sunday and visit every Saturday. The purpose of my having Bus Kids is to try to save them from this future. The purpose of having Bus Kids is to let them know that they are important and they can be anything that they choose to be when they grow up.

This is also my purpose for going into Juvenile Hall, to let these girls know that they too are important, and that they too can dream big dreams. Furthermore, that those dreams can certainly come true. I never had the privilege of having these young girls on my bus, but now I have the privilege of going into juvenile hall and circumventing any future tragedy that may befall them.

These girls will not be forgotten when they are released. This is the most crucial time in their lives. This is when, because of peer pressure they go back to their old friends and their old ways. My program includes keeping in touch with these girls and giving them a base where they can always call and be encouraged. These girls will know that I believe in them and I love them. I will be their cheerleader. After all, we all need a cheerleader.

You may ask, what is my reasoning for doing this? My granddaughter is my inspiration. You see, my Ashley is in Juvenile Hall now. In Southern California. Through corresponding with her, I have come to know the mindset. I know that there are some girls whose main goal is to go back to the streets, back to their old ways, back to their drugs. However, I have come to find out that these are the girls whose parents have abandoned them. These are the girls that never get visits. They never get mail. They have no hope. The others are ready to be released and start a brand new live, a much better life. They have plans of going to school, going to college, getting a job, and even enlisting in the service. However, once released, they go back to their old homes, with their old friends, and it is just too easy to forget about those wonderful plans and go back to their old way of life. Any of that perceived self esteem that they may have acquired immediately drops into oblivion. The problem is it was perceived self esteem.

I plan to emphasize true self esteem, not perceived value. I plan to be with them all the way through their release and through their new life. And to those girls who have been abandoned and have no hope, I will love them. I will be their friend. I hold the key to unlock their hearts.

I anticipate that this program will grow to be something big, something wonderful. It will be the beginning of a new era in prison life not just here, but hopefully throughout the United States.

This blog will be my journal. My experiences will be written down, my hopes and dreams, my joys, my sorrows. I look forward to Tuesday with the anticipation of a child. A new beginning, a new life.

Love to all,
Luella May
http://thecorner4women.com/
http://dipetanesoutheast.com/

When I was a little girl, my mother always referred to her mother as her angel. I was lucky. I had my mother until I was 54. She lost her mother when she was 12.

Her mother suddenly became ill and died in just a few days. It was a shock that she never recovered from. Not until the day she died.

Life is so complicated. I can imagine how complicated eternity is. I would like to think that she is with her mother now. I would like to think that one day we will be together too. However, in this life there are people that I have loved and would have given my all to spend forever with, but for one reason or other they departed. There have been people that have come into my life that I have felt I have known forever and enrich my life in that way. And there is one person that has come into my life within the last two years who I consider my true soulmate. I feet that I have known him since time began and that I will know him throughout eternity.

To those that I have loved and lost, I will always mourn you, as you have left an indellible mark in my soul. I welcome you that I love now as you are shaping my life's path. And I welcome those to come. To those who will leave through death or otherwise, I treasure each moment we spend together, as these will be my sweet memories of you.

What lies ahead through eternity? I would like to think that I will be reunited with the ones I loved so. My pets that I loved so. I can just envision my walking into eternity and having Dallas, my beloved black lab running to me and joyfully jumping on me. And Baxter, the black lab that I rescued from a trip to the pound! And my darling little pooch. Thinking that she was suffering, she was shot in the head by a family member. I was told after the fact. I don't believe I will ever get over that pain. Pooch was a darling Shitsu La Hasa Apso mix. She wasn't suffering, she was old. She needed care and attention, that's all.

My faithful companion for the last seven years has been my darling Misty. After the last incident it would not be advisable for anybody to touch her. Ever.

What truly happens when we go into the next life? Are we reunited with the ones we once loved? Do we recognize them? Or is it a brand new experience? I don't remember recognizing anybody when I came into this life.

Is this why we must find true happiness within ourselves, as everything will be a new experience? Or when we have that familiar feeling, did we know them in the past?

How I wish I could go through eternity with the ones I love, never losing grasp of them. I do, indeed, feel connected with my mother who has passed on. Is she waiting for me for us to be reunited in the future? Oh and my soulmate! I cannot explain this at all. It is a connection of our souls, whether we are together or in distant lands. It is a friendship made of true gold. There is no Best Friend as this one. This friend I would never want to let go of not ever. I want him to be my constant companion throughout eternity. When one leaves for the other side, they would wait for the other by the door, so when they come through they would join hands and merely continue on their journey.

Or there too, will there be people coming in and out of your life? Will the ones you loved before appear to spend some time with you and then leave again? Will we experience the same heartaches, the same loss?

My life is wonderful now. I have never been happier. And I have the promise to be even happier in the future. I don't want to let go, not of anybody. Well yes, there are some that must be shed, the ones that weigh me down. I do this sadly, as I really wish them the same joy that I now have.

I have a wonderful magical season just beginning. May it never end. May I hold on to the woundrous part of life and when sorrow and tragedy do hit, may I be spiritually mature enough to know that it is only part of my existence and that too will bring future happiness and magic. Somehow.

I have reached such a fulfilled part of my life that never again through the loss of one that I love do I want to believe that my life is over, that there is no more. I have been there. I never want to relive that again.

Life is what we make it. Experience everything, the day, the seasons, when you are alone, when you are with others, so that life may always be magical, no matter what. And to the ones that I have loved and that I love now, if you should leave me forever, I will always remember. You will always occupy a special room in my heart.

Love to all,
Luella May
http://thecorner4women.com
http://dipetanesoutheast.com

As many of you may know I am Co Founder of TC4Women, http://thecorner4women.com  TC4Womenis an online magazine that contains a little bit of everything for whatever mood someone happens to be in.  It is a wonderful place to read, learn, and relax or just go in, put those headphones on, and relax to beautiful melodies.

However, TC4Women's main goal is to empower women throughout the world.  We are here to help the abused and less fortunate.  However, the abused does not only consist of women.  Many men fall under this category and we are there for them also.

TC4Women's newest endeavor is to go into juvenile hall to empower those young ladies to be all that they can be.  I, under the tutelage of Eva Fry, www.evafry.com am developing a program that will give young girls a new lease on life, breaking those chains that are holding them in bondage.  We are also working on an program where we can keep in touch with them after they are released, giving them a home base to work from.  The love and encouragement they receive during their stay in juvenile hall, will continue for as long as necessary, as we want to prevent their falling into old habits, thereby repeating the incarceration process.

Eva Fry worked in juvenile hall for 10 years.  TC4Women is delighted to be mentored by Eva in ways of unlocking the heart of these girls that have no hope. 

TC4Women's main purpose is to empower women throughout the world.  How do you change the world?  One person at a time.

Kind regards,

Luella May

http://thecorner4women.com

http://dipetanesoutheast.com

www.playmysongforward.com

Hello Everyone!

 I am proud to introduce you to Artist X.  No one has a clue who this talented Artist is.  However, let me share this with you.  Artist X has removed himself from the limelight because of the current state of the music industry.  Because of their focus on materialism, sex, violence, ego, money, just to name a few, Artist X has decided that he has had enough. 

 Artist X is set out to get one million listeners to his new release in 90 days.  You, who are reading this message now, get on the bandwagon because this is just the beginning, You will be hearing about Artist X from the Four Corners of the Earth and in 90 days, we will make Artist X's new release Number One in the Nation!

Who is Artist X?  I don't have a clue.  And I don't care.  I will tell you that Artist X is my hero, as he has opted not to seek riches and fame,  Instead he chooses what is imporant in life, what is right, what is lovely, and what is beautiful.  Artist X is out to change the world and I am right behind him.  Won't you follow me?

I invite you to wwwplaymysongforward.com.  Listen to the songs, and then, pass it on, and tell them to pass it on.  Let us make this the greatest chain int he world!  Ah!  But this chain is for the good of mankind.  This chain has a value, this chain will make the world a better place. 

Oh!  And I forgot to mention, his music is awesome!

Who is Artist X? Is he really famous?  Is he a newcomer?  We don't know.  But he is fabulous!  Listen to him . . . And pass it on!

www.playmysongforward.com

Love to all,

Luella May

 

You Are Cordially Invited
To a Birthday Party

Your presence is requested
At a moment of transcendence.
The mystery of turning one
Requires your attendance.

You will accomplish something more
Than favor, fun, or duty
By witnessing the passage
Of a moment of great beauty.

July 29, 2005
10:15 AM

Welcome my friends, to the most exclusive Birthday Party of all. One year ago today, My Mother, My Angel was born. She was born into a new life as she left this one. As we joyfully anticipate the birth of a baby, my Mother's entrance into Heaven was heralded throughout the outer reaches of the universe. Welcome Home Dear Child!

As she left me and her body behind, she soared with majestic wings to her new life. Upon her arrival, she was awestruck at the wonder and beauty she beheld.

I see someone gently taking her hand and exclaiming, "Welcome!" as they showed her around her marvelous new home. I can just sense her wonder and joy as she was introduced here and there.

As I sit here and reflect on the moment she left me, I realize that I witnessed a miracle as great as the birth of a child. I was fortunate to watch my mother be born into a new life as I was left with the body that housed her while she was here on earth.

A year later she knows the ropes. She's at home and has her friends, her routine. She walks with her friends to a crystal clear lake and laughing they sit and splash the water with their feet!

My Mother is youthful, beautiful, and runs and laughs! My Mother will never be sad again. I sit here remembering our time together, from the day that I was born until the day that she left, and I am with her in spirit as her new friends and family surround her on this, her first birthday. My Mother, My Angel turns one on July 29th.

We miss this miracle called life, as we are immersed in our day-to-day routines. We miss its absolute beauty and we miss its absolute truth. If we lived our lives knowing that this thing called life is simply a voyage through eternity, money doesn't matter, power doesn't matter, material things don't matter, but the miracle does, what a different world this would be. Every relationship we have through our years on earth would take on a completely different light. If we realized that this is merely a pit stop and a whole new life awaits us, that our material possessions truly mean absolutely nothing, if we realized that what is really important is love, giving, compassion, forgiveness, there would indeed be peace on earth.

The religions of the world have, in fact, perverted the meaning of truth. We are way off the mark. It didn't take long at all for man to distort the truth in order to pacify his own wants and needs because of his greed and the quest for power. Through the ages, we only have a handful of people that we can use as an example of knowing and living the truth, just a handful. Imagine the beauty of the world if we all lived this same example. Imagine its beauty if we truly looked at death as merely a move into another world. We state this all the time, but do we really believe it? Your loved one has gone to a better place. What is stopping us from letting go of our fear, jealousies, greed, quest for power, control and joining each other, holding hands, for the betterment of the world, and that of our own. There would be no pollution, enough food for all, and we would all live in harmony. Our sick would be taken care of in the manner they deserve and our children would grow up with the proper love, respect, and nurturing necessary to become a whole person physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Yet, I see that this is not possible. Greed and the quest for power surpasses all. I see it in government, companies, and even social organizations. Everyone from the greatest leader in the world, to the church member in a small town wants to be "somebody." And does being "somebody" really make you happy? In the end, no. Yet, through the ages, this is mankind's quest.

As our babies grow up, we teach them that they need to share, they need to be kind to one another, but as the growing process continues, something goes awry. And that is because they learn to become like us. They learn from our example. They learn selfishness, greed, materialism, jealousy, and every one of these paths lead to unhappiness.

So, in conclusion dear reader, My Mother, My Angel is now in a better place. She is in a place where people are as one, she is in a place where love abounds. My Mother is finally happy and she sits back on her most comfortable chair with only the light of God shining upon her and reflects on her first year in Heaven. She looks down and smiles at me with love, watching as I go through life's path, overcoming the obstacles necessary to grow into a better and more complete person, day by day. As she smiles down on me, she gives me the reassurance that one day I, too, will be in that better place and together, we will hold hands and run to that crystal lake, sit on the edge and splash the water with our feet laughing to our hearts delight.

July 29th is my Mother's first birthday in Heaven. What an eventful year it has been. We have both grown so much this year, my Mother in Heaven and I on earth. So, on July 29th at 10:15 in the morning, I look up to the outer reaches of the universe and in my mind's eye I loudly project . . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My Mother, My Angel........

©Luella May 2006

Luella May is currently the co-founder and editor of "The Corner 4Women.com" http://thecorner4women.com/ and writes exclusively for her blog http://thecorner4women.blogspot.com/ and Luella's Corner http://oakwoodgrafix.co.uk/blog/LuellasCorner/

 

'My Mother, My Angel'
'A very personal dedication'
Including my most treasured photograph
 

       I remember when I was a little girl hearing stories of my grandmother.  I never knew her but felt as though I did.  I remember the first time that I saw her picture.  She was the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes on.  She was so beautiful, so feminine, so elegant, so poised.

     My mother was so proud of her and loved her so much.  She always called her mother her angel.  She would tell me wonderful stories of when she was a little girl.  How her mother took care of her, took her to church, to school, how she taught her how to do so many things.  She told me of all the wonderful times they had together.  She also told me of how her mother comforted her when she was sad.  It seemed as though her mother was the most perfect lady that ever lived!  I grew to love my grandmother so, although I had never had the opportunity to meet her.  I grew to almost idolize this most perfect person that ever lived.  She often recounted these lovely memories, which were the happiest days of my own mother's life.  Then, when she was twelve years old, tragedy struck and my mother's life would never be quite as happy again.

     When she was twelve years old, her mother took suddenly ill and died in a matter of days.  Even at that young age she perceived that she died because of a doctor's negligence, although she never could tell me exactly what the illness was.  My mother never got over her death.  Not until the day that she, herself died.  She would tell me in such detail as to how she watched as the sudden illness struck my grandmother and then how she watched her angel leave her side never to return again.  Even as a little girl, I saw her grief and pain.  I believe that is when I was introduced to compassion.  Through her eyes, I felt the loss of her one true love.  I felt as if I, myself, was there as she had lost her best friend, her comforter, her protector.

     From that moment on, she lost the joy and hope that every child should have.  Her life became full of sorrow.  They say time heals all wounds.  With my mom, a big scar grew over her wound.  I don't think it really ever healed.  Sometimes you would almost see the scar open a bit, as if to bleed a little, as I watched the sorrow in her eyes as she would recount the story every now and then.

   She grew up, from the age of 12 through her college years without her best friend and role model, making the best of everything.  She told me of her loneliness, how she couldn't make friends, she just didn't fit in.  So she immersed herself in her school work and that became her life.  My mother excelled in school.  She graduated from the University of New Mexico, majoring in Math, Suma Cum Laude, an incredible feat for a woman in that day and time. 

     As a little girl and while growing up, my mother was my heroine, as she excelled in everything she did.  Yes, to me my mother was the most wonderful perfect lady in the world, and the most beautiful too.  My mother became my best friend and I idolized her as she had once idolized her mother.  Every Saturday would be a mother and daughter day.  We always made it a point to do something together.  We would go ice skating, we would go to the movies, she would take me to shows, in the spring and summer we would have wonderful picnics in the park, trips to the beach.  Every Saturday was our own special day.

     One day I grew up.  I fell in love, married, and had my own little girl.  My mother and I were no longer a pair.  Our lives had separated and we both began a new chapter, a new relationship.  I had my little girl now to take care of and to love, to start wonderful new traditions with.    My parents grew older and retired to Florida, and the distance between my mother and me became so much the greater, but we had the telephone.  On our special day, Saturday, I would always call her and we would talk.  If anything wonderful happened, or anything sad happened, I would pick up the phone and call my mom.  "Guess what happened?"  This would be our relationship for the next thirty years.  There were visits here and there, but there would always be a goodbye.

     I loved my own little girl and whenever I had a difficult decision, I always thought, "What would mom have done?"  And my decision was made.  My little girl and I traveled life's paths, had our own wonderful times, our sad times, made our own traditions.  And then something happened.  My little girl grew up.  She fell in love and got married.  And now she has a little girl of her own.  We now have the relationship of talking on the phone every week.  If something good or something bad happens, we call each other,  "Guess what happened?"  and now my little girl builds memories with her little girl.

     On October 20, 2001, my mother's and my paths joined again.  It was the day that the love of her life, her partner, would leave her never to return again.  I went to Florida to tie loose ends up and bring my mother home to live with me.  We had fun again, my mother and me, my role model, my comforter, my protector, and my confidant.  We went shopping, cooked together and talked. Oh how we talked!  We talked about old times, when I was a little girl,  her retirement years, and she told me the stories of her wonderful mother all over again.  I got to know my mother all over again.  My mother was my best friend again, to have around to do things with.  These were four precious years.  And one day she paid me the best compliment I have ever received from anyone in my entire life.  One day she told me, "I haven't been this happy since my mother was alive."  With that one statement I felt that I had succeeded in life.  It gave me such great joy, and we went through the rest of our days, hand in hand.  My love for her grew by leaps and bounds.

     But little by little, the days got a little harder, a little sadder.  First she needed me to hold her hand while walking, then she needed a cane, then a walker, and then we got a wheelchair.  Her lungs and heart deteriorated slowly and she became dependent on oxygen for her very life.  I became her caregiver.  I cared for her, took her to the doctor, gave her the medicine she needed, watched old Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire movies with her and when she was afraid at night I would sit by her side until she fell asleep.  I watched in love and sorrow, as I saw the mother-daughter roles change to me being the mother and my mother being my baby.

     In March of this year my mother became very ill.  I called an ambulance to take her to the hospital.  She had pneumonia.  After being in the hospital a couple of days, she started bleeding internally.  She was too weak for surgery.  The doctor said he would try to replace the blood in the hopes that she would stop bleeding.  This was a long shot, just a mere hope.  Each day went by, one by one, interminable days.  The doctor said that he would give it one more day and would have to stop giving her blood.  I was ready for the end.  Then the most unbelievable thing happened!  She stopped bleeding!  I coaxed her to eat with hopes of coming home soon and she fell for the bait.  She ate, after a month she got strong enough to be transferred to a nursing home facility.  I thought that would be her home forever.  I went to see her everyday and we made friends with the people there.  I met Mr. Clyde who was in the room across the way.  And I would tease them both, trying to hook them up together.  When I would wheel mom to lunch I would call, "Mr. Clyde!  Come on, there's an empty seat at our table!"  I would embarrass her so and we had such fun with everyone.  Then after 22 days, my dream came true, an unbelievable dream.  My mom could come home.  What a happy day!  As we drove to the house and she sat at the table.  I got the camera and said, "Mom let me take your picture."  She looked up with her pale face so seriously and I said, "No Mom!  You've got to smile!"  And I posed her.  I put her elbow on the table with her chin resting in her hand and I told her how to smile.  And she did. It is such a beautiful picture.  You can see the happiness in her eyes.  You see the twinkle.  My mom was put on hospice and nurses came in to take care of her.  I cared for her in those last days, still spending time with her, still having fun.  Now I was building sweet memories, because I knew my time was not long with her.

     On July 29, 2005, our paths were to change again.  That would be the day that, again, my mother would go to live a new life, and I would start a new path.  We, once again, would no longer be a pair.  My precious mother passed away.  It was 10:15 in the morning.  A massive heart attack took her.  As I watched those final moments knowing that my mother was leaving me so quickly.  I held her and told her how much I loved her.  And then she was gone. I had watched my angel leave my side never to return again.  My mother was a very beautiful woman and even in death she retained her beauty.  I closed her eyes, kissed her, and covered her up to her neck and just sat next to her caressing her face.  I caressed her face as the coroner arrived, and I caressed her face until the memorial home came to get her.  As the SUV went down the road, I watched until it went out of sight.  You see, because my mother was leaving for a very long trip and I would not see her in a long, long time.

     Now, I tell my daughter about my mother, those cherished times, about when I was a little girl and how I cherished my mother, and I now call her my angel.    Now I tell everybody about my mother, my angel, the most beautiful, feminine, elegant, poised lady in the entire world that ever lived.  However, something very strange happens now and then.  Something good or something bad happens, and I want to pick up the phone and call her and say, "Mom, guess what?"  But I can't this time.  Because I don't know the phone number.

     So I treasure the time we had and our sweet memories knowing that once again we are separated.  She is living her life and I am living mine until our paths cross again.

'Written With Love in My Heart'
By
Luella May©2005

 

Life can be such a busy place.  It is so easy to lose touch with with what really counts.    My life took a turn last July where a new path just opened up before me.  A spiritual path.  I did nothing to seek it out, it just appeared.

 Since then I have been learning, reading, and special people are crossing my path.  I believe zaadsters are definitely one.

 This path opened up for me briefly years ago when I became Agoraphobic.  However, the "Medical Field" took over and I did not pursue it.  I got well, and went back into the corporate world.  On May 25, 2001, I made the choice to become the sole caregiver for my mom and that's when I believe, my spiritual awakening really began.  Even though 24/7 caregiving is a most demanding task, sometimes exhausting physically and emotionally, I noticed that I had chosen a much different path.  My world was changing.  I would notice things.  A gentle breeze, sunshine, rain, I learned how to relax and see the beauty in everything every day of my life.  I knew then that I would never want to lose this new perspective.

Mom died on July 29, 2005.  Her first anniversary is coming up and on that day, I will post my tribute to her here.  My Mother, My Angel.  In death, I still take care of my mom, as My Mother, My Angel is now published and my mom is famous. On July29th, I will share that with you.

Since then I have become involved with underprivileged children and I work with the elderly.  They are my mother and my father and I love them as such. 

This is me.  I want to make the world better.  I can't do it all at once, but I can do it one by one. 

As my kids and I sing together......

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.........."

Love to all,

Luella May

http://thecorner4women.com